Crushed and Created
by JCxX
Summary: Possibly the hardest things Ponyboy's ever had to face. And then there were four... Rated T for mild language. Please. Go find "Rue's Farewell" and listen to it while reading it, it really defines the moment.


**So, just finished watching "The Outsiders: The Complete Novel" for the like, the 10th time, and this time, I watched it with the commentary from The Greasers, and a Soc. In a part of the movie, Rob Lowe, (Sodapop), says something about him asking S. about what happens to Soda afterwards. She said that he goes to the Vietnam War and dies there. This really broke my heart. :( **

**Without further or do, here's what I think would happen. Sorta a sequel -not really- to my other Outsider fic. **

**Enjoy *sobs in corner* God, this was hard to write. :( **

* * *

_**Ponyboy: **_

I was about to turn fifteen when Soda wanted to do the unthinkable; go to war. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he told us. Darry was in shock but he didn't show it. So, when the dreaded day finally arrived for him to leave, I was uncontrollably sobbing. _Please, don't leave me, don't leave us... _I repeated in my head endlessly. Darry actually had to pry my arms away from Soda's waist, he didn't seem to happy to leave either but he said it was for the best. I cried so much the night he left that Darry actually had to give me sleeping medication. Soda was literally gone. He was my best friend, now, he decides to pack up and just leave? Soon, my sorrow turned into anger. I was so confused, why would he go do such a thing? It's been a week since he left, and I was miserable. I didn't even come out of my room, Two-Bit tried to make me laugh (which he normally does when I'm upset), but it got nowhere. Darry even tried to persuade me into going to Dairy Queen, which reminded me too much of Johnny and Dally. I've been so sad that I quit eating. Darry's been trying to get me to eat something ever since Soda left, but I refused.

"C'mon, Pony, I'm sure he's fine," Two-Bit says, shaking my shoulder, "Ya know Soda's tough." Darry stood in the doorway watching Two-Bit accessibly fail at trying to get me to do something. I pulled the blankets over me tighter,

"Two-Bit, give the kid some space." I heard Darry say in a low voice. I heard the door shut behind me. Was I the only one in the room? Or was it only Two-Bit that left? But my eyes were too tried to look anywhere but at the ground, I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder. Darry didn't leave. "Ponyboy, Two-Bit's right. I'm sure Soda's okay, come back outside. You gotta eat somethin'." I shook my head, and tried to fall asleep, which was success.

I had a nightmare that night about Sodapop. I woke screaming wishing that he'd return, and kept on saying no repeatedly. Darry was already beside me,

"It's alright, Pony. It was just a dream." He said hugging me, "Go back to bed." He said, ruffling my hair a little and closing the door behind him. I cried myself to sleep the rest of the night. I was afraid that if I fell back asleep, that the dream would continue into worse things. Steve had went with Soda, I was worried for him too, but I still didn't like him. And if he _and _Sodapop didn't come back, then the "gang" would just be me, Darry and Two-Bit. So much for being greasers I guess. When I woke the next morning, I was not even realizing I was walking into the kitchen.

"Hey, kiddo. You finally came back out." Darry grins a little, looking up from the newspaper. I sat down across from him but staring at the empty seat that was between me and Darry. He put down the paper, "Ponyboy?" I jumped a little, now realizing that he had said my name at least three times. The house was a lot quieter without Soda here, normally the TV's blasting, not to mention the radio too, and I always smelt bacon. Not anymore. There was a knock on the door, I looked up slightly. There was a guy there standing in uniform. No. No...No. He looked like a General. _No. _I kept thinking, he handed Darry a letter and saluted. He opened the letter and leaned against the doorway but then coming back in. He looked at me with despair in his eyes. I ran into my room, and slammed the door behind me. I sobbed hysterically into my pillow. Darry opened the door and sat down next to me with the letter still in his hand.

"Ponyboy." He said weakly. He attempted to hand me the note, but I shoved it away. "Do you want me to read it?" His voice was hoarse, this wasn't happening to me. Another person I loved so much was gone. I was still crying my eyes out, but Darry began to read it. At some points it seemed that he was crying too. By the time he finished there were no words to describe just how badly I was crying. Darry held me for a while, until I calmed down a little. I knew he had a feeling that this what he would be seeing me like for the next week or two maybe even more.

"Wh-where's, Steve?" I said in between sobs, he hugged me tighter,

"The letter said nothing about Steve, so, I assume he's okay. Listen to me, little buddy, it's going to be hard to deal with this but, we've pulled through before." Darry says calmly.

"I'll never be able to live this down, Darry! First Johnny, then, Dally, _then _Soda decided to leave, as well as Steve, and _now, _Soda's freaking dead! I hate this world!" I yelled, Darry held me by the shoulders,

"Ponyboy," he said firmly, "It will be alright." I started shaking, still not even coming to the thought of Sodapop dead.

"Darry." I said weakly,

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave me." I said in the most heart-breaking voice I ever heard myself talk in.

"I'm not going anywhere, honey. I promise." He said softly, I hugged him tightly like my life depended on it. I couldn't even remember what my own name was by the time I was done crying, my mind was so hazy. I asked Darry if I could crash in his room with him tonight, and then as soon as I plopped myself on his bed, I feel asleep quickly.

...

The next week or so was just me being stubborn. It still hadn't occurred to my brain that Soda was gone, but I knew it. When Darry told Two-Bit, he dropped his beer bottle and nearly crumpled on the couch. I still didn't know why Soda had went to war in the first place, didn't he know he would get killed? Darry and I waited at the bus stop as we were waiting for Steve to show up. I saw the bus take a turn towards us and I held my breath, at least Steve was alive. At least... I nearly busted into tears again when the bus drove away while Steve talked to Two-Bit. Not seeing Soda come off the bus really tore my heart. He really was gone. I felt someone pull me into a hug. Darry. I accepted the hug anyways and for the first time in all the years I've known Steve, I saw him give me a _real _sympathetic look. I actually saw an emotion of sorrow in his eyes. On the way home, I fell asleep this followed by Darry carrying me in. This was because I had no sleep what so ever within this month or week. I had no reason to sleep anyways. I had reoccurring nightmares about Soda and the letter, or him being shot at. War was a terrible thing and to think that Sodapop would never come home was a terrible burden. I slept in Darry's room for a good two days. I had wondered what it will be like when Soda's birthday comes around and he not there and we can't tickle him awake. Probably just as depressing as the day before. Nothing much had changed within the gang -or what's left of us-, except Steve couldn't bear to work at DX anymore without Soda there. Not that didn't shock any of us. Much to my surprise, many people from school came by or talked to me in the hallways telling me sorry that they were for my loss. Yeah, me too... Darry had to start working two jobs and twice as hard, so, I rarely saw him except during his lunch breaks. And as for Two-Bit, he really didn't change but he became really protective of me, almost as protective as Darry or even Soda. Two-Bit was always nice to me, sometimes he was a jerk but most likely because he was in a pissed off mood. But to see him actually defending me against Socs? Mark your calendar, mark the date... I was still flunking my classes in school, but Darry had lit up on me since Soda- Never mind. What about the holidays? Well, we never really did anything for the holidays anyways except watch Mickey Mouse and eat chocolate cake and drink (minus me); Two-Bit's idea of fun. Darry made sure none of us got too drunk his own home other wise he'd throw a fit. I've been really lost. And I mean, really, really lost. I sometimes had to have Darry or Two-Bit take me to school because I wasn't thinking clearly. I wondered everyday what that day would've been like if Sodapop was still here. It may sound weird but, last night I felt that other presence on the other side of my bed there. And it wasn't Darry. I actually felt Soda beside me. I thought it was a dream, but it seemed _so _real. I didn't tell Darry about it because he's think I'm crazy. Not that he doesn't already think that. Sometimes I can still hear him talking to me. Call me insane but I swear if something else happened at all for the rest of the year or month that is, I will lose any sanity that I have left. I still didn't eat like a horse like I used to but Darry finally got me to eat something, like soup and chicken and stuff. I didn't ever touch anything that Soda had left behind or what was on his side of our room. I'd sometimes look over it, he some pictures on the wall or on the bulletin board. Even after a month had gone by and the war ended, I still remained the same. Nothing did change except for one thing; I was crushed and created all over again. I remembered what Johnny had said to me what seemed like ages ago; "Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold."

...

Then Christmas came around and Two-Bit was always overjoyed about the Mickey Mouse special that was on each year. He would tell us to shut our traps when it came on. Nobody really made a big deal out of Christmas, even when Johnny, Dally and Soda were alive. It never really made us happy, don't get me wrong I like it, but it's annoying sometimes. But this year, I didn't come out of my room. It was just too plain awkward without Soda, we got used to it after Dally and Johnny had died but it still bugged me a little ever now and then. But without Sodapop? No way. I still had trouble sleeping, but I've gotten better, the first week that we found out Soda was gone, I didn't go to school for the rest of the week. Darry didn't give me any trouble about it. Which was weird. His boss gave him a break and let him be home for the holidays. Not that that helped. I wasn't even in my room, I just wanted Darry to think that. It had finally sunk in after all this time. Soda. Gone. I didn't realize just how close we were, how badly it hurt me. I rarely talked anymore, but that wasn't a surprise to anyone. Two-Bit had even stopped wisecracking. Not fully, but to a point where it's just plain freaky. One minute we're waiting for his usual on cue wisecrack, but then the next minute, we all just looking at him. I started to wonder if anyone notice I wasn't home. I was at the grave yard, talking to the rest of the gang. Talking to their tombstone, that is. Call me paranoid but, it felt right. I told them what was happening around here, and how earlier in the week Two-Bit tripped over the table and landed face-first into the chocolate cake on the table. I started to feel tears brim my eyes as I talked. I was talking a tombstone. I was talking to the dead. God, what is new? I mainly talked to Soda though, (don't even get me started on how painful the funeral was). I was starting to cry as I spoke. I stared at the graves in front of me. Johnny, Dally, and Soda were buried next to each other. I actually thought it was kind of nice. I felt a hand on my shoulder, they couldn't be-

"Ponyboy?" It was Darry's voice. "What are you doing?" I turned around to see Two-Bit and Steve behind him. He knelt by me, and looked at the grave in front of him. His breath shuddered a little as he turned back to me, waiting for an answer. I shrugged, what I didn't know was the helpless, pleading look in my eyes.

"Talking to Soda, Dally and Johnny." I said quietly, looking down at the palms of my hands.

"What?" Two-Bit says, walking closer, but Steve stayed behind.

"Talking to the guys." I said a little louder.

"Out of curiosity, why, Pony?" Darry asks, I turned to him with tears in my eyes, but I whipped them away quickly.

"Can't keep them out of the reel, now can we?" I gave him a sad grin. Darry helped me get up, and I brushed the dirt off my pants.

"Ponyboy, they-

"Steve. Don't." Darry said sternly, shaking his head. Basically, he was telling Steve, "Don't rain on his parade."

That night we ended up watching Mickey Mouse, much to my displeasure. Darry wanted me to go to bed but I didn't want to. When he finally talked me into going, I over heard him talking to Two-Bit while Steve was in the kitchen.

"So, why did you do that?" Two-Bit asked, taking a swing of his beer. He only talked during the commercials. Only Two-Bit...

"Do what?" I heard Darry ask,

"Interrupt Steve?"

"I didn't need him sayin' anything. Ponyboy's still having a hard time digesting this, which is causing him not to think clearly."

"But still, you didn't-

"Yes, I did. I didn't need to hear Steve's two cents. Not at that moment." I listened carefully behind my bedroom door. If Darry found out I was eavesdropping, he'd skin me.

"So, you think the kid's gonna be okay?" I heard Two-Bit ask,

"Yeah, just give him a few more days."

"Well, that was one hard piece of information you gave him, Darry."

"I know." I heard Two-Bit open a Pepsi (the only thing in our refrigerator at the moment besides water).

"Well, what about you? You seem like you've gotten past this."

"No, not at all. I just am trying be to strong for Ponyboy."

"Darry. You're strong without even trying...Superdope." I heard him mutter the last sentence, oh, Two-Bit, you wisecracker. I couldn't but grin a little myself. I pictured Soda laughing too, and then getting tackled by Darry. I suddenly became awful tried so, I climbed into bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. But still, I felt Soda's presence next to me, every time I went to bed. I was glad that I knew he was still here.

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**My. God. This was one of the saddest things I've written. I listened to "Rue's Farewell" from The Hunger Games movie score, god, that fit the scene so well. GO LOOK IT UP AND THEN READ THE STORY AGAIN. It really tugs on your emotions. (It did to mine...). **

**_-If you want to get the emotional part of the song, go to 3:05. Then re-read the part where Darry answers the door and so on._  
**

**If you did look up the song, _please _, tell me how you felt! That actually would be really cool. I got to the best part of the song when Ponyboy see the General in the doorway. Holy cow...I love this song. (The URL is on my profile if you want to get there faster...) **

**Review please! :) **


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